A broken home by age one set the wheels in motion for years upon years of struggle. In a time when divorce wasn’t common, both of her parents quickly remarrying other people was confusing and divided her heart.

Tracy* wouldn’t understand until many years later that when her dad built a Christian family with another woman, it would be THE VERY THING she would need to get a fresh start.

* Her real name is used with permission.

Couldn’t Get Help

Tracy felt uneasy about her mom marrying her second step-dad. “Something just didn’t feel right about him,” Tracy shared. “My mom noticed the change on their honeymoon. Once we all settled into our new blended family, he became very controlling, as well as verbally and physically abusive.” Food became Tracy’s refuge to help her cope.

A specific incident still stands out in Tracy’s mind: When Tracy was ten, her step-dad was about to physically abuse her mom. Her mom signaled Tracy to get help. She ran three doors down, but no one was home. Violence was being inflicted on her mom, and she couldn’t find help. She was too small to stop him. Guilt set in.

After this incident, Tracy’s mom began seeing a counselor. And one night at 2 a.m. when Tracy was in 8th grade, her mom woke her and said, “Quietly pack a bag. We’re heading to an abuse shelter in the morning.”

Couldn’t Have Felt Worse About Myself

A few weeks later, a high-speed chase ensued when Tracy’s step-dad saw them pulling out of a parking lot. His truck hedged their car into a cement pole, causing short-term physical injuries. It was also the beginning of a long-term emotional and rebellious struggle for Tracy.

“I moved from being a people-pleaser to a rebellious teen in an attempt to protect myself. Depression hit me hard. I was in a dark place,” Tracy remembers.

Shortly after the car chase, her step-dad entered a psychiatric hospital. “I, too, went to counseling, but it was a terrible experience. My counselor made me feel as if I was to blame for everything that had happened in my life. I couldn’t have felt worse about myself.”

Looking back on that experience now, she knows out of that difficulty rose her destiny. “My counselor was awful. And I knew after a few sessions with her that I wanted to be a counselor. A good counselor. One who really helped people.”

Manifesting Itself Outwardly

Her mom bravely divorced her step-dad, but finding a new love was all that was on her mind as she’d lost her dad at age nine and longed to fill the hole within her soul.

Being free of her step-dad didn’t free Tracy of her depression. Instead of it just being an internal struggle, her depression began manifesting itself outwardly – wearing dark goth clothing, hanging out with the “punk” crowd, skipping school, smoking, drinking alcohol, and drawing pictures of slitting her wrists.

“I prayed to God to help me, but when He didn’t, I hated Him. So, I prayed to the devil. I told him I’d serve him if he’d help me.” Tracy felt the pull to kill herself daily – going so far as trading her watch for a bottle of Speed so she’d have the means to do it.

Can’t Handle Her Anymore

Once Tracy’s mom learned to what extent she was struggling, she called Tracy’s dad and said, “I can’t handle her anymore.” Hearing Tracy’s dark behavior being described caused her dad to respond, “I have a Christian family with two young children. I don’t want them exposed to her in this condition.”

Hearing the exchange between her parents, Tracy screamed into the phone: “If you don’t come get me, I’m going to kill myself!”

“I was serious. I knew I needed a fresh start. If I stayed in that environment, I wouldn’t be here today.”

Loved Me Big

Tracy’s fresh start at her dad’s house came with one rule: You WILL go to church. Anytime the doors are open, you’ll be there.

“I hated his one rule. I hated God,”Tracy remembers. “I went to the youth group activities because it was expected. I was surprised when they looked past my black clothes and pale makeup. They loved me big. When I saw their joy and hope, I slowly began opening up.”

Moving in with her dad, strict rules and all, was exactly what Tracy needed at this critical point in her life. “His home offered stability AND an affirming, loving father figure.”

Fresh Start

Within a year, Tracy felt her heart open to Jesus. While visiting a Christian college with her youth group, Tracy knew it was decision time. “I knew I could play the game or get serious about Jesus. I told him if he could do something with my life, I’d give it to him.”

Hope glimmered through her depression during her prayer. A fresh start with Jesus as her Savior.

A fire for God rose up in Tracy. “I began letting people in and loving them big. I was hungry for God’s Word. Interestingly, other young people came to me when they were struggling. They knew I understood.”

Tracy’s dramatic transformation inspired many, including her own mother, to give their lives to Christ.

Move from Coping to Overcoming

Ashamed of her past and trying to hold it in caused Tracy to fall apart during college. In desperation, she agreed to try counseling again. This time with a Christian counselor.

With her counselor’s help, Tracy learned she needed to embrace and be thankful for the “old” Tracy in order to live in the freedom of the “new” Tracy.  Strength gained during the rough times in her life could be carried into her new life in Christ. The rebellious period was her coping mechanism, but it was time to move from coping to overcoming!

“I learned overcoming is daring to believe and hope in God. It’s speaking words of faith over my fears. I could overcome my past by staying faithful to God.”

Another Fresh Start

Instead of starting graduate school right after college graduation, Tracy became a nanny for a few years. It gave her body time to heal after a serious health scare with her liver.

Moving to Atlanta for graduate school opened the door for another fresh start. Not only would she complete the required coursework for counseling and start her counseling career in Atlanta, but she would also meet Mike. Eight months of dating led to a marriage proposal.

As much as she loved Michael, it was difficult for Tracy to fully trust him because of the trauma from her past. When she prayed about it, God’s words encouraged her: “Trust ME. I’m faithful. I’m Michael’s Savior. Therefore, Christ in Michael is faithful.”

“When I began to fully trust Michael, it was a game changer. I was able to conquer my fears of rejection,” Tracy shared. “I believe our marriage of almost 20 years has redeemed and continues to redeem the broken family of my childhood.”

The Preciousness of New Life

When she was 29, Tracy was asked to share her testimony at church. Despite nausea and shaking hands, she described her past struggles and the freedom she found in Christ. The event was a stepping stone into a speaking ministry. Counseling and speaking fulfilled Tracy in unimaginable ways.

Just like many women, Tracy wanted children. She and Michael prayed.  And when their daughter was born, she praised God, for Alyssa represented LIFE: the preciousness of new life juxtaposed with memories of wanting to end hers so many times during her teenage years.

Tuesdays with Tracy

Tracy stepped away from full-time counseling when Alyssa was born. She began a weekly blog with the hopes of helping women fulfill their destinies. Two years later, those devotions became a book titled Tuesdays with Tracy: Real-Life Devotions That Speak to the Heart of a Woman. Check out her blog at tracyhurst.com.

Since then, Tracy has continued speaking and counseling part-time. Two years ago, she was blessed with a second daughter, Audrey Grace.

Tracy sums up her writing/speaking/counseling ministries this way: “My heart’s desire is to help women overcome the obstacles (depression, fear, disappointment, etc.) in the path to their destinies. It’s important for women to fulfill their destinies, because others need their God-given gifts.”

As we finished brunch and Tracy’s interview, she said, “You know, life with Christ is full of fresh starts.” I couldn’t agree more!

Leave a reply (below): Tracy shared how Psalm 116:3-5 (Passion translation) describes Christ’s love for her. It says: “Death once stared me in the face, and I was close to slipping into its dark shadows. I was terrified and overcome with sorrow. I cried out to the Lord, ‘God, come and save me!’ He was so kind, so gracious to me. Because of his passion toward me, he made everything right and he restored me.”

How has Christ restored you by giving you a fresh start?